I HAD TO DO IT!! Laugh as hard as you may!!

If you have ever used an electric fence you should read this, not intending
to offend anyone just trying to put a smile on a few faces! The language used is a bit smutty and/or course, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing. If you don't laugh hysterically at this,...CHECK YOUR PULSE...this is funny....and true. This was sent by a retired dentist.

“ We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works. One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all. Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the 20charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand. At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so20I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas. 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die ... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot. So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day ... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created. I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
4- My left eye will not open.
5- My right eye will not close.
6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
7- My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow. The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.”

I am sorry if I offended anyone by this but I am still laughing my arse off on this. I can actually see the poor guy. Have a good night all. Roxi

A LONG WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!

i was supposed to have had a 4 day weekend but OH NO, I had to work Friday. It actually made us both mad. They had me call them thursday night and one of the new girls they hired a week or so ago ended up just quitting. I hate it when they do that. So since there was me or another woman that could work they called me. So I had to work 11-4. When we got there, Patsy was actually a HUGE B****!! The first thing out of her mouth was "Why didn't you call Bernie (the other lady) that way she didn't waste a vacation day." Than she was telling us why the other lady quit, mostly. Not the real reason. She did say that it was OK that she quit, she was fine with it. I wanted to smack her. Then after my Baby left, she came up to me and said "that I know you are doing me a favor, but you really need to have a shirt on that has a collar." And see before my Baby left I told her that she needed to redo my vacation days so I still have 40 hours. She tells me "I don't have to do anything." So when she told me that I swear someone had their hand over my mouth because I wanted to say "I don't have to do anything." It pissed me off and made my Baby off really bad.

So for this weekend we haven't done anything at all. Sunday I did laundry. I didn't have to do all of them because my Baby did a couple of loads on Thursday. (thank you Baby) So today and Saturday I haven't done much of anything. Today we went to Tarkio and my Baby filled out an application to be the custodian for the Methodist Church in Tarkio. He used to clean the Baptist and Methodist Churches here in Fairfax. He also cleaned the post offices in Tarkio and Fairfax. So hopefully he gets the job. They are actually pretty excited about it. He would rather do that than build grain bins for Alva. He has yet to hear from him on work. Alva came by Thursday and My Baby called him back on building the bin roofs. But, he hasn't been back by since. So I maybe driving myself to work tomorrow. I hope not. I love to have that extra time with him.

so I guess I am getting off of here and getting busy doing something. Have a goodnight all. Hold your Baby real tight. Roxi

Raining Again...

But NOT COMPLAINING. Oh, no way wil I do that. We have had some pretty good rain but, not 30 miles away they got baseball sized hail. That is WAY TOO BIG. We don't want any of that crap. There was a video with some kids that had a sack full of those hail balls. It was insane. We had some pretty good rain, but that was all. Than, this morning before we went to Tarkio to start my 3 days of work it was thundering again. The storm didn't hit until about 9:30 or 10. It wasn't too bad.

I don't know what else to talk about. I have a 4 day weekend coming up. Don't tell anyone. I don't want any visitors. I hate to say that, but I just want us here at the house. It is the big RODEO weekend up at Tarkio. YEEEHAAAA!! NOT!! I put in 3 weeks ago for the weekend off and I just about had to work Saturday. But on last Saturday the assistant manager and I were talking and she said that she would work. So we talked about it and I told her that she could have Monday and Tuesday off if she would work Saturday. So today Patsy and I was tlaking about it and she said that she wished that I could have Saturday off like I had vacation days for. I told her that the assistant and I worked it out so I have it off and she has no overtime. Patsy tells me that I need to start doing the schedule. I told her no there is no chance that I would deal with the people on that one.

My Baby and I was talking last night about the flea market that will be held in September (that I am taking two more vacation days off for) and we were talking about maybe me making some christmas tree ornaments for it. I don't know. They have some in the Mary Maxim catalog real cheap. There is one kit in there that is for $34.99 for 100 ornaments. There is some more in there 24 ornaments or $9.99. So they cost less than 40 cents a piece. I could sell them for a $1. or so and still make a killing. But I just don't know how many to make. You know?











The first two and the last one are the ones that just cost $9.99. The third one is the set of 100 for $34.99. BUT there are 20 of each set on that one. There is a colored one (that is showing) there is also one that is silver and one that is gold. The others have 16 to 20 or so in the kits. You have to make them they are made with beads. One year I made angels from beads for everyone in the families. They were really pretty when they got done. I just don't know if they would sell and if they do sell how many do I make to take over to the flea market? So I am the worst on myself. I don't know what to do. I know I want to make them and see. I guess what doesn't sell we can give them to everyone for Christmas. I was also thinking of selling them on Etsy with my Baby's stuff. But me I am one scared puppy to try anything like that. So anyway, that is what I am thinking about. I know that I could make them, but what toi do with them after they are made?

I guess I had better get off of here and get supper going. Have a great night. I will talk to you later. Hold your Baby real tight tonight it makes things better, I promise. Goodnight all, Roxi

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN

There isn't very much going on. Right now Bobby and Amber (his girlfriend) are here visiting. Bobby has been here about everyday all week long. I love it.

My Baby and I were talking last night about how time flies. It is amazing. I can't believe that I missed the whole month of May. I am so sorry to each and everyone. I will try to stop playing Pogo and get to blogging alot more. That is what I have been doing is playing Pogo.com. It is so much fun. That and working ALOT. My paycheck Friday I had 1 and a half hours overtime. The assistant manager went on vacation on that pay period. So that was really nice. Too bad that they have to take taxes out or we would be sitting really good. But of course, Uncle Obama, has to have his cut. My boss and I was talking Friday when we got paid and she said "wouldn't it be nice to have a year tax free." I was like "hell, yeah." But of course reality hit and we got jack.

I was really worried earlier. There was a tornado warning in Mound City and Grandma and Grandpa went down there to go to McDonalds' and so for about an hour and a half we were very worried. They are home now. They said that they just got rain, but right after they were home there was a tornado just south of there. I talked to my folks, they live down there and mom said that they had some large hail. Their neighbor's son was in Oregon and his car got BAD hail damage. They said that there was softball sized hail. That is way too big. We just had some nice rain, it didn't last very long at all. I am so glad that everyone was alright.

There isn't much else going on so I will let you go for now. All of you have a good night and let your Baby hold you real tight. In those arms the storm will not hurt you. Goodnight all. Thank you Jan for commenting on my blog and thank you Baby for encouraging me to continue on with my blog. Have a good night. Roxi