I can't believe it has been so long!!

We have been busy the last two days. Yesterday my Baby (whom I am so proud of) painted while I made some banana bread without nuts, cause my Baby don't like them. ;) And when I got that done I played on the computer all day. So I guess yesterday wasn't too productive for me. But today we went to Tarkio and did ALL the laundry. It feels so good to have it all done. We went to the laundry mat. It is called "Soaksem Clean". I swear that is what it is called. There was a note from an older lady on one of the dryers griping about the heat on the dryers. My Baby and I was out in the car and my Baby said what it is called and I said without missing a beat I said "well it don't say Dryem dry." My Baby just sat and chuckled. It was funny. While we were up there I finished my Victorian Whimsy Ball. I won't say where it is going yet but I will tell you in a couple of days. Sorry.

Today was Allen Scott's anniversary. He was my oldest son. He passed away when he was 8-months-old. The year that he passed it was the day before Easter. So at 10:10 p.m. tonight it will be exactly 18 years. As they have always told me that it does get a little easier. But I will tell you that before my Baby I was very resentful, with God, with my husband (at the time), my family, and everything. The day that he passed the Easter Bunny came by and took a picture with Allen. Of course, that and more pictures are at my exes. But that day my ex and his brother went fishing. Can you imagine? No neither could I. My sister-in-law, at the time, her name was Fran, and I went to the Childrens' Hospital in Dallas because the doctor was supposed to do chest x-rays of Allen and see if his lungs were collapsed. They were the day before. But after the doctor looked they were alright. At 9:00 p.m. he started letting the Iron Lung breathe for him. And to me that is what I call SUFFERING. And I have always said that the one's I love will NEVER EVER suffer. So I told Fran and the nurses' that I was going to take him out and hold him. Well Fran wanted to have her husband there. And of course the doctor told me that his father had to be there as well. I informed ALL OF THEM that I didn't care where he was and he hadn't been there the whole three months Allen was in the Hospital and he didn't have to be there then. They finally got ahold of them both and they got there at 10:00. The doctor told me that it could take a couple of hours or a couple of days. It took 10 minutes!! I held him, Fran held, and then her husband held him. Everyone was crying, except of course my husband. He wouldn't cry in front of anyone, except his poor mama. Anyway, so today, is the day. And before my Baby, I was VERY RESENTFUL!! I wouldn't know why, but I am not now. I still can't stand the man that I had children with. But, I do love my kids. Of course, my living kids haven't been over to see us since the middle of January. We seen them on Trey's birthday (March 15th) for about 5 minutes or less. Oh well, as I have come to think of it, God took two of my babies and the devil took the other two. I know in my heart that they will come around but I am hoping that I am not too resentful to them. But I know me and I have always said don't make me mad, because I will be mad at you forever. But with my baby's help and God's will I am pretty sure that I will forgive them. But it is going to be really hard.

Anyway, I am so sorry for blabbering and for being so long blogging. I don't know which one more. But I will try to blog more often. Most of the time I am sure it won't be anything but griping about work. But I will try. I hope that you have a great night and thank you for letting me vent. After reading this, I guess I am still resentful, BUT not as bad as I was. Anyway, have a great night and let your Baby hold you real tight. Good night all. Roxi