Good Evening All!!

I hope you all had a good week. I had a week anyway. BUT I get a 3 DAY WEEKEND!! WOOOHOOOO!!! Right now I am crying. I just posted a comment on My Baby's blog to his step-dad. I was telling Don some of what I know he is feeling. NOT ALL, but some.

Easter, for me, is kind of messed up. I never knew (pre-Bill) what Easter was about. All I knew was that on March 30th, 1991 it was a Saturday, at 10:10 p.m. my son Allen Scott Agnew passed away. It was the day before Easter. So on Easter morning, we drove up from Dallas, Texas to Craig, Mo to bury my son. It was the same for Christmas. I knew that we celebrated it for the birth of Christ Almighty. I lost Sarah Marie Agnew on December 20th, 1996. I buried her on December 23rd. I told the caretaker that she WAS NOT GOING TO SPEND CHRISTMAS in the funeral home. He got her done before. I know that he had to work REALLY hard on that baby. But, with God's will he got it done. So on Christmas we woke up in Craig, and my son Bobby, opened his presents while Sarahs' were out in Nebraska unopened.

Anyway, my Baby just told me that neither holiday is about what I always have thought. Easter is about the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. So now (pre-Bill) I still think of Allen and Sarah's Death. But we also rejoice in that knowing that Christ died for our sins.

Explanation for Pre-Bill and Post-Bill. Pre-Bill was my life before my Baby, and Post-Bill is my life now. Before my Baby, I was the very woman that was not good for ANY man. I drank too much. Which I have stopped. I smoked pot. Which I have been almost 4 years clean. And I slept with the worst SKANKIEST men around. I just wanted loved. My song, pre-Bill, was "I hate my life" by George Strait. I ALWAYS told my EX (then husband) "that I would shoot myself in the head, but I didn't want him to clean it up or Bobby (my son) to see me that way." I told him that all of the time. I have this HUGE SCAR on my stomach from when they cut me open to get my gall-bladder out. They had to completely open me up because my gall-bladder was imbedded in my liver 4". When they cut it out, I was bleeding out. For an hour and a half surgery, I was in there 6 1/2 hours. They almost lost me. When the doctor was taking out the staples I looked at him and told him he should have left me alone. To me, now that I think back, and I know I was serious. They should have put me on something. I just had Trey Daniel in March, 2000 and in September, 2000 was when I had my surgery.

But now, I am SO GLAD TO BE ALIVE!! I have my Baby and I have a great future to look forward to with the man of my dreams. I love you with all of my heart, Baby. Thank you for taking so great of care of me. I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to being with you the next three days!!!! I am going to get off of here. Everyone have a great night. Take care and I will let you go for now. Good night all. Don't forget to let your Baby hold you real tight. Roxi