Just Me Thinking

Today, we went to Tarkio and I was in Casey's talking to Patsy, my manager. And while we were there the two sisters from the Monastery over in Clyde, MO came in. So my Baby got to meet Sr. Cathleen. Very exciting. Since then I have been thinking which I do alot of, most of it gets me to second guessing myself on most things.

It is going on 4 years-ago when I met my Baby. I was working at the little c-store here in Fairfax. Yes, I was married but to a man that was NOT very nice. That summer we argued ALOT. Bad enough, that Bobby (who was 13) took off on a bike and rode it to Craig. Which was about 8 or 9 miles on the highway. Me and the boys usually went to bed crying. The last night that I was at that house Trey (who was 5), me and their father went out to eat in Rock Port. We started out arguing and ended arguing. When we got home Trey and I was out at the car standing there. I was holding Trey. When the husband went in the house he slammed the door, we stayed outside. When he came out he slammed the door. Trey looked at me and honest to GOD, said "Mom please stop." SO that night I slept with the boys and told them that I was leaving the next day. That I wished that I could take them, but I knew that he wouldn't let me. But I told them that I loved them with all my heart, which I do. That was a Sunday when I told their father that "I WAS NOT GOING HOME!!" He told the boys "to get in the truck" and he told EVERYONE that I was going to take the boys to Texas and no one would ever see them again. The only person I knew in Texas was HIS BROTHER. So no, I was not going to do that. I had every intentions of going to Mound City and spend the night with my sister. Bill (before he was my Baby) told me that since I had to open the c-store in the morning that I could stay at his house on the couch with him and his son. That night we went out to eat at the Dairy Diner and the husband came in and said "You are lucky I didn't bring Baby with me!" His Baby was a 357 magnum. I asked him where my kids were and he said somewhere safe where I couldn't see them. That was in September. I didn't get to see them until December. After our divorce. He threatened me alot in that time, saying "that our divorce wasn't final and he could still do with me what he wanted." Anything. And he meant it. In the divorce- because I was tired of fighting with him and I just wanted him to leave me alone. He got the boys and he got my car. But more importantly, MY BOYS!! I hardly ever see them now, because along with everyone else he has them convinced that I don't love them. Which is a total lie.

So my Baby and I fell in love. We moved in together and we spent 2 and a half years without a car. In that 2 1/2 years we talked alot. Neither one of us had a car because without a job you can't get a car and without a car you cna't get a job. So we talked alot. We cried alot. We never, EVER FOUGHT! Or fight, for that matter. EVER!!

So when the Sisters of the Monastery came in today I got to thinking that it was amazing that I was there when they came. I just think that "you know, there are people that think that the way they live is wrong. And the way that we live is wrong. Me working outside the home while he just sits at home." IT IS NOT TRUE!! We talked for 2 1/2 years on this subject alone. So WE, both of us, NOT JUST BILL, both of us decided to get a car with HIS income tax and me get a job while he sits at home and works on his woodcrafts. That is his JOB!! And he does a wonderful job with them. Yes, you know, there for about 5 or 6 months he wasn't working on them because his mom passed away suddenly. She had talked to him the day before and the next night she was laying in the hospital brain dead. NO warning, NO nothing. Just at 67 years-old just dead. No car wreck just fell over DEAD. Did anyone tell him "sorry about your mom?" No my mom says "you didn't call me and tell me that she passed." SHE KNEW FOLKS. I talked to her the next day when we were on our way down to Joplin so Bill could see her. I talked to her while I was there, I talked to her when we got home. I talked to her when they called and said that "they were going to unplug the machine and that they were going to bring up some of her fabric for me to have." You know what my mom said to me while I was crying on the phone with her? She said "she isn't even dead yet." I really REALLY loved Frances, Bills' mom. She didn't judge us for anything. She accepted and encouraged us on everything. So when she passed, we put an obituary in the Fairfax, Tarkio and the St. Joe papers. So everyone could see. And she tells me that we didn't call her and tell her. So yes, for 5 or 6 months my Baby was trying to deal with losing his mom. And you know what, he has very well. I didn't deal with losing my children until years after, because I didn't have anyone supporting me emotionally. I didn't get to handle my emotions until I met my Baby and he helped me. Thank you, Baby.

Anyway, that is WHY I WORK AND HE STAYS HOME. Because we talked alot about it and it was best with me working outside the home and him at home because for one thing we only have one car and he can stay way busier on his business than I can. So that is why. I know that most of you don't care or that you will still judge us. But we both know in our hearts and our conscience that we ARE doing right. Neither one of us are doing anything against GOD or HUMANITY. Just the one's that think that they are right and that HE should be the bread-winner. But you know what, WE both LOVE our life we have together. No we don't have much money, but what we have is our's. We own our house, but to most people it isn't what they would chose. We own our car, to most people they want better. But as most of you know it doesn't take much to make me happy. I hate to shop, I don't want for anything, and my Baby is the same way. So for now folks, that is what I have been thinking about. I love my job, I love my Baby, I love my life. And for the first time in 19 years I can say with all honesty that I don't want to take my own life. I am truly and honestly happy. So for now folks, have a good day. Roxi